A book of 381 pages made with different types of paper, around the theme of the N-word. Some pages feel like sandpaper, appropriate to the hurtful topics on those pages. In this work, I address (in)visible discrimination, microaggressions, colorblindness, evasive behavior and the claim of Dutch innocence. Why do we still use the N-word in 2017? Who is allowed to use the N-word and who is not? What is the historical, social and societal charge behind the N-word? Are the power structures in the Netherlands so ingrained during colonialism that they are still effective in today's society?